SUNSTAR

This is the essay series by women living with HIV. The authors in Japan, Cambodia, Portugal and the Philippines, write about episodes and the feelings of their daily lives.

The girl and the mushroom house　/　Maria

When she felt strange she closed herself into the mushroom house. A place where nobody could reach her, harm her. Inside she had virtual friends. It was easier to have virtual friends than real friends. With virtual friends she could open freely, not afraid of judgments. It was easy to finish the relationship. It was not really real.

One day she started to wonder why she wanted virtual friends. And realized that real friends had hurt her so badly that now she prefers virtual friends, friends that couldn’t hurt her.

Another reason is virtuality itself. Virtual friends are virtual they don’t really exist. So they cannot die. They just disappear. And sufferance connected to death could be avoided. The sufferance connected to abandon and rejection could be avoided too. It was a safer world in mushroom house.

Nevertheless she was a lonely girl.