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| This is the essay series by women living with HIV. The authors in Japan,
Cambodia, Portugal and the Philippines, write about episodes and the
feelings of their daily lives. |
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| Conversations I Had One Day / Naoko |
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 Just the other day, our company conducted a periodic health exam and I was informed that further testing was required. The test was for cancer, but because we received the results before lunch, I spent the normally enjoyable lunchtime with my mind preoccupied. In the afternoon, too, I couldn’t concentrate on work but there were things I had to finish up, so absentmindedly I got on with what needed to be done.
My colleague who sits next to me did not have the slightest idea what I was going through and chatted with me as usual. He loves to eat and began talking about a recipe I had spoken of that morning before turning to meals that he had eaten during his travels. To tell the truth, I wasn’t in the mood for that kind of conversation, but as I responded without enthusiasm I realized I was feeling a bit more relaxed. Later, I was standing chatting with some women from another department like always and, inexplicably, I was no longer feeling so despondent.
After returning home from work, I got a phone call from a friend. I had originally decided not to tell anyone, but my replies became half-hearted and I ended up talking about the test results to her. She said, “I’ll say a prayer for you.” I’m not at all a person of faith, but when I heard those words, I felt strangely calmed. I thought, no matter what the results, as long as I have such a good friend I can tough it out.
Later, I went to the hospital with the test results in hand and found out there was no need for further testing. I was relieved and felt I had wasted time worrying. On the other hand, because of this incident, I fully realized that simply chatting with those around me, and the kind words of friends are extremely important. It made me feel warm inside. Of course, I never want to experience that anxiety again. |
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