|
 |
 |
 |
|
|
|
| This is the essay series by women living with HIV. The authors in Japan,
Cambodia, Portugal and the Philippines, write about episodes and the
feelings of their daily lives. |
|
|
|
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
 |
 I visit the hospital once every two months. My physical condition is stable and I don’t have anything in particular to discuss with my doctor, so the exam is over quickly. I have a feeling that my exam is particularly short. I wonder what sort of conversations other people have during their exams?
When a doctor is in front of me, I become really nervous. I get tense even when I go to the dentist. I’m jealous of people who call their doctor by a nickname or can speak to them easily, as if talking to a friend. When I try to joke around, it has the opposite effect and the atmosphere becomes awkward. Once, I tried using image training while in the waiting room, entering the exam room cheerfully, but the doctor seemed so busy that my mood was dampened. After all, if someone around you is on edge, that puts you on the defensive. If only I could loosen up more, I think the relationship would improve.
Outwardly, this is the kind of relationship I have with my doctor, but there was a time at first that I found quite emotional, falling for his personality. The strong bond of trust that grew at that time hasn’t changed, so it’s really not a big deal.
Also, the nurse always chitchats with me and makes me feel comfortable at the hospital. It’s not like there’s anything I really want to ask about, but if something does worry me or is on my mind she easily coaxes it out of me and puts me at my ease. She even gives me advice by e-mail at times. She’s someone I can trust.
In this way, the doctors and staff at the hospital put me at ease about being HIV positive and are a great support. I thank them for that. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|