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| This is the essay series by women living with HIV. The authors in Japan,
Cambodia, Portugal and the Philippines, write about episodes and the
feelings of their daily lives. |
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| My Place of Return/The Place where I Return to Myself / Naoko |
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 “Mom, I like the fact that you are doing your best at what you want to do. I can look after myself now, so I’d like you to do what you think is right. I still have lots of opportunities, but, mom, you’re almost 40 and if you hesitate to do what you really want to you will miss the chance forever.”
That’s how my daughter replied to me when I told her I was sorry for not taking her anywhere on my days off, because I was always busy with work and HIV-related activities and often away from home. It was the first time we had gone out in a long while and, hearing her words, I cried as I drove the car. Just hearing those words coming from her heart made me so happy and I was deeply moved at how she had grown.
I appreciate not only her but my family. I can leave my beloved daughter at home and travel around so easily thanks to my parents. My mother always supports me without any complaints. Having gone out somewhere for HIV-related activities on Saturday or Sunday, I would sometimes come home to find my Monday work clothes nicely ironed. My mother would often cook extra food when preparing dinner so that I needn’t wake up early in the morning to prepare a packed lunch for my daughter and I.
Until my mid-20s, I felt that I belonged somewhere other than where I was, although I didn’t know where that might be. I believed that if I went out of my home, I might be able to find the place. But now I know that my place is here with my family. I can go anywhere because I have a place I can always come home to and return to my normal self. |
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