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| This is the essay series by women living with HIV. The authors in Japan,
Cambodia, Portugal and the Philippines, write about episodes and the
feelings of their daily lives. |
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| Sometimes maternity is not a option / Maria |
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 Once, long time ago I had a baby inside of me. Long time ago when was believed I would live just two years. And death was certitude. For four months I carried that baby inside of me. Wondering what to do, balancing opinions, information. I did not know what to do. My companion said it was my decision. And solitude invaded me. Felt so alone. Me and my decision. Then just decided to talk to my doctor and she expressed to not have the baby or the baby will die or me or both. Put it that way - with no benefits, I decided to not have.
So one day went to hospital, did not take long, but after the intervention I couldn’t stop crying so loud that cries invaded the corridors of hospital with my suffering.
My baby would have now 16. And 16 years past and can’t struggle tears rolling from my heart, trough my face. The pain is still here. The pain will remain forever… a scar in my soul.
Now, even knowing all the possibilities, that old feeling persists - maternity is forbidden. |
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