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| This is the essay series by women living with HIV. The authors in Japan,
Cambodia, Portugal and the Philippines, write about episodes and the
feelings of their daily lives. |
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| My Daughter and I / Naoko |
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 Last month my family celebrated my daughter’s birthday. Every year, as the number of candles on her birthday cake increases by one, I can’t help but think that it’s a miracle to be celebrating her birthday like this with everyone smiling. There was a time when I couldn’t imagine that this day would come.
Over 10 years ago…the greatest joy of my life-welcoming my daughter, and the greatest sorrow of my life-finding out that my partner and I were HIV positive and losing my husband to AIDS, all happened at once. He became ill soon after my daughter was born, and a few months later we were tested and discovered we were HIV positive. At the time I was unable to cry because I was too busy with my baby and taking care of my husband as his health deteriorated. Eventually he died, and I was left alone with my daughter, just the two of us. Suddenly, the sadness overcame me. I hadn’t known I was infected, so I couldn't do anything to prevent mother to child transmission when I was pregnant. I spent a long year and a half2 wondering if my daughter was HIV positive. The day I found out my daughter was negative, I was so grateful, I prayed to my deceased husband, thanking him for protecting our daughter.
Until then I had always felt that my daughter couldn’t survive without me, so I was determined to go on living. Now, though, 12 years have passed and I realize that wasn’t the case. Actually, it’s because of my daughter that I was able to survive.
Now that she’s in her early teens, she’s become a little more difficult but still talks to me about a lot of things. Every parent is probably the same, but my daughter is the light of my life. I always tell her that I love her. I like to hug her and kiss her-she doesn’t like that much. But, when I think how happy it is to be with her, I can’t help myself.
I’m sure there are good times and bad yet to come, but I know that just being here together is a miracle, so I feel we can somehow get through them. Fate made us mother and daughter, so we should face what comes together! |
| Notes: |
| 1. |
At present in Japan, measures to prevent mother to child transmission of HIV are available. A pregnant woman takes specific antiretroviral drugs (ARVs) during pregnancy and gives birth by cesarean section, and for a certain period the child is also given ARV. This makes it possible to lower mother to child transmission rate to about 2%, compared with 30% if no measuress are taken.
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| 2. |
At the time my daughter was born, the only HIV diagnostic test available was an antibody test (a test that detects antibodies created to fight off the virus), so until the antibodies received from the mother disappeared after a year and a half, we couldn't know whether the child was infected with HIV or if the child simply inherited the antibodies from the mother. Now in Japan, the viral load test is available, it is possible to find out whether the baby is HIV positive or not much earlier. |
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