|
 |
 |
 |
|
|
|
| This is the essay series by women living with HIV. The authors in Japan,
Cambodia, Portugal and the Philippines, write about episodes and the
feelings of their daily lives. |
|
|
|
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
| Appreciating My Body / Naoko |
 |
 Until my mid-twenties I never gave much thought to beauty or health, but when I tested positive for HIV I began to consciously think about my body.
When I found out I was HIV positive in 1994, the media was treating HIV as a death sentence, showing images of emaciated bodies and skin disease. As someone who was HIV-positive it was very real and scary to hear the general explanation that “full-blown AIDS develops after about 10 years and death follows.” Even scarier to me, though, was the thought that my body would look like that before I died.
So, in 1997 I was happy to hear there were medicines called antiretrovirals or ARVs I could take to slow down the disease. But that moment of happiness was brief, because when I found out all about it, I discovered that there are a lot of awful side effects like nausea, diarrhea, headaches and bad dreams. Those terrible side effects sound scary of course, but there are a lot more side effects that might totally change my appearance, like rashes, weight gain around my stomach or back because of a change in fat metabolism, or even the opposite-my arms or legs could become skinny and my cheeks sunken.
In the end, I chose to try to rapidly slow down the virus at an early stage and have taken ARVs ever since, for over 10 years. At first, the combination of medicines meant that even if I ate I wouldn’t get fat, and I was the lightest I had ever been so it was a happy bonus, but I was plagued every day by nausea and lethargy. I found out that the suppressed weight gain was a side effect when I change the combination of medications three years ago. In no time at all I gained several kilos. But, even though I had a terrible rash the first week I started on the medication, after that the nausea I had experienced every morning was gone, so I could eat breakfast.
Luckily, I don’t really suffer any side effects other than my slightly dark complexion turning yellowish, and I have stopped gaining weight. I’ve been told, “Naoko, you’re not really dark, you’re yellow,” but I’ve learned to shoot back, “That’s because we’re a yellow-skinned race.”
Over 10 years of experience has taught me that a change in your appearance has a greater impact on your self-esteem than you can imagine. If my appearance were to drastically change, I probably couldn’t continue taking the medicine. That’s why I want to do everything I can to take care of myself. That doesn’t mean going on a diet or buying expensive beauty products, it means enjoying meals and getting the right amount of sleep, learning to like my body as it is, because it’s working hard, and I think it probably also means being thankful for my health and keeping a smile on my face every day. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|