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| This is the essay series by women living with HIV. The authors in Japan,
Cambodia, Portugal and the Philippines, write about episodes and the
feelings of their daily lives. |
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| WORKING POSITIVELY / Maricon |
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 When I was ten years old my mother always
asked me what I want to be when I grow up. I
always answered her that I want to work in an office. When I finished my secondary education I only took a two year course, Junior Secretarial because of financial difficulty. I sell bananas in the morning and study in the afternoon until such time that I finish my two year course. When I graduated Junior Secretarial I was employed in a government agency where I was in a contractual position. At that time I was the first and the youngest woman in our office trained about the transmission of HIV/AIDS.
In two years time, I was able to transfer to another government agency which I had a permanent position. I studied again to finish a Bachelor's degree course. My life is to go to school, to work in an office, to go to church and to be at home. Until such time that I was diagnosed as HIV positive.
It is very difficult to accept because my life is so simple; why did it happen to me? How can I work now that I am HIV positive? What will happen to my career? Can I marry again, if yes, how can I feed my children if I am weak and cannot work for them? I want to give up my job because I thought that HIV positive is not capable to work. That’s the few questions that I had in my mind.
But when I went to the hospital for the check up, someone invited me to go to the place where some of my peers are being together, I went there. And guess what happened? I was encouraged by the group to be stronger. I did not resign from my job, what I did was to work very hard.
But there are times that my body is not feeling well so I have to stay at home and have some rest. My superior asked me why I’m absent most of the time. I have to say some lies. I sometimes said I had headaches or I had monthly period and my tummy is aching, I had toothache, I had dyspepsia or whatever I think that can explain why I was absent.
But it came to the point that I had to tell my superior and some of my close friends who are also my officemates the real situation I am now. At first I was really frightened because I might get discriminated and stigmatized because of my disclosure. So what I did was to educate them and give them information about the transmission of HIV/AIDS. Of course they’re wondering why I’m doing such thing like that but because I was a volunteer in some of the organization they think that it’s just a volunteer job for me. When I think it’s the time, I told them that I am HIV positive. They were really shocked and don’t know what to say. But you know it feels like great. And they accepted me and didn’t discriminate in what way or another. One of my officemate wrote a letter to me saying “I admired and respected you and even love you more when you shared your life’s greatest secret to me.”
In our life, it is difficult to accept something that you might think shameful or even pitiful. But we have too. It is easier to talk or even discuss my status now as an HIV positive with my officemates. My work is lighter than before and they are more considerate regarding my health condition. If sometimes I thought that I cannot do such work, I told myself that all people can do whatever he/she wants if he/she wants to do it so I can do it if I want too. |
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