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| This is the essay series by women living with HIV. The authors in Japan,
Cambodia, Portugal and the Philippines, write about episodes and the
feelings of their daily lives. |
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| Relationship, Love, Marriage, Sex / Maria |
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 Once upon a time a girl. She was alive, rebel and had that urgent need to love everybody. She was popular, nice, charming and beautiful. One day a virus appears in her life. Didn’t change everything yet as she is still beautiful, alive and rebel. She met a boy. The boy of her dreams. And slowly she became quieter. She believed it was forever. But he wasn’t poz and his family rejected her. Stigma. Discrimination. Problems softened the relation. Some years after he stop loving her. Abandon her. She still loves him. Forever.
And everything changed she get depressed. Stayed still, quiet in her room, for 2 months. And slowly wake up to life. But she wasn’t beautiful anymore.
Neither charming. She wasn’t alive too. She was sad. Deluded. Disappointed. Her eyes cold and distant.
For many years she decided no one would enter in her world. She gets lonely. Sad. Unhappy. Lonely. Deeply lonely.
One day she decided to change everything-let people in. But didn’t know how. She doesn’t know how to be with people. How to make friends. How to talk, to express her self. She had been excluded from the world for so many time. Self exclusion.
She wants to kiss, to feel love, to feel the others skin. She is no longer beautiful. She is no longer young. She has a virus.
And she is afraid.
Afraid of sex. She knows that in spur of the moments many things happen under control. Afraid of contaminating others.
Afraid of love. She knows love hurts.
But desire burns her skin. She wants love. She needs friends. Companionship. Sharing souls. Sharing skins.
And she knows soon or later it will happen.
There will be someone to hold her hand, to embrace her, to dance life with her. Doors are open. |
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