|
 |
 |
 |
|
|
|
| This is the essay series by women living with HIV. The authors in Japan,
Cambodia, Portugal and the Philippines, write about episodes and the
feelings of their daily lives. |
|
|
|
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
 |
 When I found out that I was HIV positive, I didn’t demand or expect much from people who I had relationships with, always tending to control my feelings since I felt that even if I had relationships I was unlikely to get married. Even after I started dating the man who I eventually married, I was unable for some time to confide in him about the fact that I was HIV positive and contained the feelings of real anxiety that would frequently arise within me, attempting to draw out those happy times for as long as possible. However, the time for me to reveal everything eventually arrived. My boyfriend asked me to marry him. I have a feeling that I probably felt more panicked than happy. In the washroom I tried to calm my nerves by taking a deep breath, but when I opened my mouth all that came out were sobs. When I finally told him that I was actually HIV positive he instantly-and quite unexpectedly-replied with a wonderful smile, “That’s not worth worrying about at all.” It seemed that my suddenly bursting into tears had really surprised him since he joked that, “I wasn’t sure what I’d do if you’d said you were engaged already to someone else,” adding, “We’d better get married as soon as possible.”
This year, my husband gave me a birthday card in which he wrote: “When we met, you told me there was no way you’d live to see 30, and despite your cheerfulness you seemed somehow like a tragic heroine, pessimistic about life and without expectations for the future. Forget about 30-we are now celebrating your XX birthday! You never know what’s going to happen in life. Anyway, I can’t tell you how happy I am that you’ve safely reached XX years old in good health.” Thank you! I never imagined that I’d live to become a normal, healthy middle-aged woman like this. Thanks to you, this delicate, tragic heroine is now living a healthy and full life in mind and body. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|